Starbucks and a Devil Who Wore Prada

Joe Fox said it best, "...the whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee - short/tall, light/dark, caf/decaf, low-fat/non-fat, etc...so people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only 2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self." While the comparison was meant to be funny and a line in a movie, it does hold some truth for all of us.

We all go through life making decisions and choices that affect everything and everyone around us. Stop and think about it. The decision to stay home from work one day makes a big difference for the person waiting to see you at the office; the choice to take a short cut to work affects someone else's normal route to work; the choice to pay for McDonald's in cash, and while you search for that last penny or nickel may seem life-saving to you, it's actually torture for the minivan behind you and the father in the driver seat who has twin toddlers screaming at the top of their lungs for their happy meal. The choices we make affect everything. Yes, these were very comical and average, but look at those outcomes. Now imagine those choices we make that are truly life altering. Scary, huh?

I wake up some mornings wondering if this is the life that's meant for me. Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? But just when an ounce of regret starts to creep up inside me, something, or someone, reminds me otherwise. The beautiful thing about our lives is that we always have a choice. Sure, as a child, a lot of things are chosen for us and unfortunately for some, those choices aren't always the best. Many have more difficult choices to make and some of their obstacles call for even tougher decisions than any of us can imagine, but they have a choice. I still think back to the choice I made so many years ago to re-enroll in Sr. Agnes' writing class. What if I hadn't? Would I be able to do THIS? Something as minor as choosing between electives made such a difference in my life. On the flipside, I stop and laugh when I think about the choice I made to have 3 male roommates for a summer; what the hell was I thinking??? But I tell you what, that summer and those 3 roommates are moments I would never trade and if I had to do it all over again, I would do it the same way...granted, I didn't pick up the best habits, but it's a decision I'll never regret. It was a summer I would gain a best friend, the ability to get ready in 10mins, the talent to drink just about anyone under the table and the gift of knowing the Jack in the Box menu by memory!

In talking about choices and decisions, 14 years ago I made the choice to go to Our Lady of the Lake University. It was a decision that would truly be life altering and one I would never regret. It was a decision that brought me to new friends and new experiences, new loves and new losses, regrets and triumphs...I had the opportunity to choose to be a part of the Dillo family, to decide to make a few bucks with Campus Activities, a choice to lead with SOL's, a decision to make new friends and memories through UPC and a choice to befriend a man who would eventually be my husband. The Lake became my Starbucks cup of coffee, because while I didn't know what I wanted to do or be, I knew I could make a few choices that would satisfy me for the moment, but these choices and decisions would eventually carry me through a lifetime.

Seven years ago this month, I made another life changing decision, one that would bring me good times and bad...I became a wife. I chose to share my life with a man who wanted to share his with me. I chose a life that I never thought I would choose; for sure I thought I would be Carrie Bradshaw, because Lord knows I have plenty of Samantha's, Miranda's and Charlotte's in my life! I thought I had my future all planned out...I would be independent, successful, single, and living life; I never imagined I could still be those same things and NOT be single; little did I know. I don't regret getting married. I don't regret my choice in a husband. I'm the woman I am because of him. He pushes me to be more; to be better and he challenges me in every way possible. I chose a good man.

Some of my choices haven't always been easy or as fun. They've been mind boggling and down right ugly...missing family birthdays and special occasions, breaking hearts, even breaking my own, being careless and reckless and neglecting all the things that were important in my life...I live with regret and guilt over the pain I caused others and especially the heartache I caused my family. But then my choices and decisions changed...the choice to have my daughter was never really a "decision" I needed to MAKE but a choice I needed to ACCEPT. She'll be 8 this November, and for the last eight years I have learned that NOW, my choices not only affect me, but her as well, and her two sisters. I still learn from my mistakes, and I wouldn't be where I'm at if I didn't. Recently I had to make a decision in my life that required me to accept the fact that it can't always be about me and that I can't do everything. I've had my time to do it my way, to do what I wanted when I wanted, NOW, it's time to do what's best for my family and for my home. So, graduate school will wait. There's no doubt in my mind that I can do it, that I have my husband's support and that of my family; but I will not let my children do without me. I made the choice to have a family, a home and to be a wife and I love my job. For many, these things would seem like excuses, but for me, it's my life and my choice. Do I FEEL like a quitter? A little. Am I a quitter? No, I'm not. I may be a lot of things, but a quitter I am not. Like everything in my life, I have to choose what's important at the moment. Right now, for me, it's important to be with my family, to be there for the special things, even if it's just a Saturday morning to make pancakes together and stay in pajamas all day. When I start graduate school again, and I will, it will be when I'm ready, when I've gotten myself in a better place to know that no one will have to take a backseat to my wants.

Miranda Priestly said it best, "...you want this life, then those choices are necessary." She's right. I know the life I want and I know the choices I have to make to get there, but I don't have to do it all at once and I don't have to make all those choices today. For now, I choose my girls, my family and my happiness. Until I'm ready, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy my tall, decaf cappuccino!

Till next time...